Tuesday 4 January 2011

Priorities?

So, it's come to that point where everything is building up, exams are looming, interests are conflicting, jobs are being forgotten and I feel like I'm being drowned in a sea of stuff to do. I don't know where to start or maybe it's just the things I should be starting I don't want to start and I end up procrastinating, making the pile grow larger and my stress levels rise further. Now I'm not one for showing everyone that I'm stress and in fact my friends have often told me that surely I don't get stressed by sometimes, unfortunately, I do. I get to that point where I just want to stop, scream and then find some sort of time manipulation device so I have the time to do everything. The time to watch lots of Doctor Who, time to read the books that I so want to read and re-read, time to see my friends, time to take part in as much as possible, time to keep up with the world of Nerdfighteria, and still have time on top of all that to revise and get good grades, time above all that to still go to church and be involved.

Of course, where do I turn when I feel overwhelmed? The realm of fantasy. Whether it's a book or a TV series, I always find myself delving into that world of fiction and fantasy at that time before the exams where they seem far enough away that it seems like you've still got time to revise but also close enough to make you start panicking. When I was younger I'd escape into those worlds just because I enjoyed it but now, is it possible to become addicted to fantasy and fiction? It is possible for it to become a drug, addictive and a place to escape?

And then, the inevitable blog or rant where I have to make the decision. The inevitable point where I go no, revision has to be done, work now and play later. The point where I have to accept that when my parents invade and infiltrate my world of fantasy they're not doing it because they want to destroy my world but because they know what's best for me. It's at this point I set myself a goal, tell myself to revise and resolve to make sure that I keep striving forwards, doing the best that I can.

This year makes it a little harder. While waiting for replies from universities, there's that little niggling thought at the back of my mind saying "what's the point? You could get rejected anyway from all these universities so what's the point of striving for that A when it wont make any difference? They haven't replied yet so they're obviously not desperate to have you." I know that it's silly to listen to that, silly to give up because of one possible outcome. I know I need to focus on what could happen, the positive side. I know that giving up will not help but there's always that niggle. I don't know whether it's lack of trust, lack of hope or just laziness but I'm going to fight it. I have to fight it. Maybe it would be less disappointing if I get a bad mark without revising than with revising but that shouldn't make me give up.

Right, now to act on all of this. Encourage me on my way!

DFTBA

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·         Latest book read: Still reading "Friends Like These" I should really finish it.
·         Latest film/TV/ watched: The Waters of Mars
·         Latest music listened to: Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol
·         Latest food/sweets/whatever eaten: A chocolate from the Celebration tub left over from Christmas to end my dinner!
·         Programs and web pages currently open:
Alien PresidentSnails: Brothers in shellsCylinder and MiserableFort ParadoxThe application page for a Doctor Who exhibition pilot, Matt's Blog, (these are my current tabs that always stay open btw), Blogger in draft: new post, Windows Live Mail (sorry for being repetitive!)

3 comments:

  1. here's a thought: if there's no more time as such in heaven (or at least not the linear once-spent-not-recoverable variety we know now), then will there be any more priorities? does the 'order of events' make any difference any more if you've got eternity to get everything done? hmnnn. *strokes beard ponderously*

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  2. Oooh, deep.... *looks up towards the corner of the room in a thoughtful manner* But then, as we will also be sinless, there would be no wrong priorities anyway surely?

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  3. presumably not.

    related note: i've just realised that my initial argument was at least partly based on the assumptions that any given activity will still take a given amount of 'time', and that we will still tend to single-task, hence the reference to an 'order of events'. for all we know, celestial 'chronology' will permit advanced multitasking, so if we wanted to do five different things, we might be able to do them all at once instead of one after another.

    um... not sure if i'm making any sense any more. i might stop this line of thought now before my brain melts.

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